patience

If you shoot film, you know about patience. Even if you develop your own film, there’s the waiting. I think even if I was set up to develop my own film right now I’d still probably not have the time to run straight to my darkroom and develop the rolls I’d just shot (but wouldn’t that be lovely?). Even with digital you don’t always have the time to come home after a shoot, upload, sift through for the best shots, process those, etc.

There’s never enough time for the fun stuff, it seems.

Anyway, I spent last Saturday hiking and shooting film with my son, which was wonderful not just because I was out doing my favorite thing but because I was with this human that I like and I was doing my favorite thing, with him. There’s an interesting thing that happens when your kids are grown and you find things you have in common and do them together. Kind of magical, really. You spend all this time parenting them when they are little and then poof, they’re grown up and you’re not hanging out with each other because you have to but because you both want to. Also it was snowing while we were hiking, and that’s just magical in itself.

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my kid and his 8×10

So I just sent four rolls of black and white film off to the lab and now I do the waiting thing, obsessively checking USPS tracking to see when the package will be delivered. Checking the lab’s website. Checking email for an email from the lab.

I’m trying to get better about this, really, I am.

When I want to shoot color and I want film back quickly, fortunately there is a lab near me that does a great job with C-41 processing. They’re quick, their scans are great, they’re accommodating of my experiments, and their prices are pretty great.

I shot a roll of Rollei Chrome (which my local lab cross-processed) and a roll of Kodak Ektar on a sunny day with my friend Jane a few weeks ago. The cross-processed Rollei Chrome came out super funky and I quite like it. When I asked the lab to cross process it (they don’t do E-6, so I knew I was taking a chance) they warned me that sometimes the roll will come back empty. I was pleasantly surprised by the weird coloring and extra-crunchy grain.

A running theme for photo shoots with Jane is that we always seem to find the mud. That day was no different–we drove to our favorite marsh and found plenty of mud to bring back on our boots.

I also had the Bronica SQ-A with me that day. Kodak Ektar is one of my favorite color films a) because it’s affordable and b) because it offers up rich, true colors.

 

half-here

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am. I don’t write much about work here, but I have a pretty amazing job at a company that doesn’t scrimp on showing its employees that they are valued. More than that, though, it’s the people I work with. They make it all even better.

I spent a week in January at my company’s office in the San Francisco Bay, and while it was busy and I didn’t get to spend any time outside (my favorite thing) at least it was nice to have not only a change of scenery, but to be able to wear cute shoes and not ruin them because of snow and salt. I’m luckier still that my dear friend will be joining our team in just one week, and I will be flying again to California to help get her started.

I also think that it’s a luxury to have a job like this. I hear too many stories about people hating their job, their workplace, or their supervisors and tolerating those things, sometimes for decades, because they have to. I’ve either been lucky or I’ve played my cards right, but my career has been full of friends, mentors, and people I respect. I wish everyone had that.

Anyway, maybe because I was there three times last year, I’m starting to have dreams about California. It’s starting to feel more like home.

And I’m getting itchy for another non-work trip. I poked around a bit on Airbnb last night, dreaming of different skies. When I do that I feel like I’m half-here, half-somewhere else… one foot in my normal world. It’s a strange feeling, but not an unpleasant one.

But I also dream in pictures. And most of my pictures, or at least the ones I feel like I’m meant to be making, are here in Michigan and of the lake, the plants, the landscape I feel connected to.

These photos are from my first roll of film of 2018. It was snowing like mad and I left the cottage to wander into the meadow and woods with the Bronica SQ-A and a roll of Ilford FP4+. There are some odd lines on a few of these images and I’m not sure what might have caused them, but they are on the film and not just on the scans. I was more worried about correct exposure with all the white, but I either lucked out a bit or FP4+ is forgiving. Either way, I like my snowy shots and feel a little more comfortable shooting in the snow now, in terms of metering (it’s still challenging in terms of managing gear, snow on lenses, cold, and wetness!).

 

winter landscapes

We got quite a lot of snow in December and the year started off snowy, but the rest of January has been kind of non-wintery. Even kind of spring-y. In fact the sun is shining as I write this, it’s nearly 50 degrees, and last weekend I went out with a friend and used color film, with some also pretty interesting results, which I got back today and will put up next post.

I wouldn’t mind using my snowshoes some more so I’m hoping for more typical weather to come ’round. In the meantime, I’m trying to catalog my negatives and keep myself organized (as much as I can be organized–I’m not the organized type) and peruse photos from the last weekend at the cottage before we closed up for the winter.

The day I wrote this was the last day of the year and I’d showshoed on the beach with two cameras and two films. These are the photos from my Minolta X-700 camera, with January 2009-expired Ilford SFX film. I had a 25A red filter on the lens, which I wasn’t entirely sure how would affect the results, but I had it in my arsenal so I thought I’d try it and there you go. It all looks a little muddy, but I think it also looks a little dream-scape-y, too.

You know I like to experiment.

ice pearls on Lake Michigan shore
ice pack, Lake Michigan beach
where the ice meets the water
more ice/water
dunegrass tips under heavy snow
beach stairs, stranded
pines in the valley
wintery pine cones
fort built for the boys who are now men

The other camera was the Bronica SQ-A, with which I am still smitten. Can you blame me? I love the square format. I love the shallow depth of field and the sharp lenses. It’s heavy, strong, sturdy, and the battery lasts forever (seriously, that’s a handy thing). I used a roll of Velvia 50, just expired earlier in the year, gifted to me by my secret santa in a film swap organized by this amazing place/blog/person-behind-the-curtain/resource. If you are interested in film photography and haven’t spent some time on that site, go right now. I don’t mind one bit.

ice pearl and splash
aqua blue, white snow, sandy ice
sandy ice pack on the beach
a neighbor’s summer shade
view through

whole year, half frames

I put a roll of Ilford HP5 in my Olympus Pen EE3 last winter, maybe sometime in January or February, with the intent to shoot it through and develop it during my class. But, I don’t know, I got distracted by 120 film and I just had a hard time looking at things in a half-frame frame of mind, you know?

Detroit shadows and sign
construction, the Wurlitzer Building, People Mover tracks
Detroit steam, mural, People Mover

Then summer came and I really only envisioned the world in color, so the EE3 sat. And then summer ended and I started thinking about black and white again and wondered what I’d already shot on the half of the roll that I’d managed to go through, so one day in October (or maybe November?) I met a friend on the riverfront for a wander and the EE3 fits nicely in a pocket, so it came with me.

financial district, Woodward Ave.
more Woodward and financial district
flipped, Joe’s fist
Fort Street
lines and angles

I finished off the roll hunting for light and shadows in my house, but it really energized me for the half-frame format again. I feel a project coming on.

Also, I’m trying something new… hoping I can utilize flickr to upload private photos (still deciding if I want a public gallery over there) that I can then show here, but I’m not quite getting how it all works. I mean, I see these images in my post, but I’m worried once I publish it I’ll have mucked the process up and the images won’t show up for you.

I’m nervous, but I’m going to try it…

December surfer

Just a few days shy of mid-December, I drove on a snowy afternoon out from the cottage to see what I could find to photograph and found myself at “the channel,” a small spot of public beach where a little inland lake feeds out into Lake Michigan. While I was gathering my camera another car pulled up, and I watched two men get out of the car, one with a surfboard. We don’t see many surfers at this spot even in the warmer months, although the kiteboarders love the area.

While one was surfing, the other stood on the shore and we chatted a bit. Tom (I think that was his name) is a local; said his friend was in from California and this was his second time in the water today, although the waves had calmed down a lot from earlier that morning.

I like how at first glance he looks as if he’s walking on water.

December surfer, Lake Michigan
December surfer, Bronica SQ-A, expired Kodak Tri-X

square love

So, the Yashica Electro 35 GSN I for some reason felt absolutely compelled to buy… doesn’t work. Well, it does. I mean, all the bits work. But when I put a battery in it, the things that the battery is supposed to make work don’t work. So technically I could run a roll of film through it because it defaults to a shutter speed of 1/500; so I could use it, but with limitations. That’s the chance you take on eBay, and I’m only out the price of a couple of fussy pour-over coffees or a pour of very nice bourbon, so not a big deal. I might run it over to the camera repair anyway and get a quote. In any case it’s shelved for now and I’ll mess around with it in January because I have a gazillion things to do because, you know, holidays.

I still haven’t bought chemicals and equipment to develop my own black and white film (I have tanks and reels, but not the other stuff) and I didn’t shoot any black and white over the summer anyway, but I have lately and I’ve sent it off to The Darkroom because they do a terrific job. I am in limbo right now because I hoped to sign up for another film class at a local community college and I just assumed they’d have a winter night class available like they did last winter, but alas, all the film classes are during the day and I am beholden to my employer during the daylight hours. There is a new community darkroom that I contributed to that will hopefully open in January, but I’m not seeing any updated news on their website so I don’t know. In any case, I’m itching to have a darkroom available to me so I can do this myself. I miss the magic. I miss printing and reprinting until an image is just right (er… is it ever just right?). So for now The Darkroom will develop my black and white film until I can do it myself again, and I’ll have to live with digital scans instead of prints.

I’m itching, I tell you.

I shot two rolls of black and white film, Ilford FP4+ and an expired roll of Kodak Tri-X Thanksgiving weekend. 2018 should be the year I start to take notes… I’m awful at that, and didn’t write down the year the Tri-X expired. I metered at box speed (400) and that seemed fine. It was my first time with FP4+ (I think, anyway. See, that’s where notes would come in) and I might be in love.

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Brookwood in a dusting of snow, Bronica SQ-A, Ilford FP4+

I’m feeling a little googly-eyed and swoony over the Bronica SQ-A right now. I am dreaming in square format. I want to use it all the time. For everything. I want to lay it on the pillow next to my head when I sleep so I can gaze at it lovingly when I wake up, although I think it would hurt a lot if it bonked me in the middle of the night because it’s really quite heavy. If it were one of my children, I’d without shame tell it that it’s my favorite. I wouldn’t even whisper so the other kid wouldn’t overhear.

Everyone does this, right? Gets all swoony and wants to write poems about things like cameras and films.

No?

Ah, well. I shot two more rolls through the Bronica after a snowfall this past weekend. I’ve a bit to learn about proper metering in snow, so who knows what I’ll get. And one roll was a 2003-expired Kodak Verichrome Pan (I took note! there is hope!), a film I know nothing about. You can’t say I’m afraid to experiment.

“What kind of photographer are you?”

I had a dream last night. I had wild dreams the night before–of loss and flood and wildfire and being out of control. These are the kinds of dreams I have when I’m worried about someone I love, and I suspect these are the kinds of dreams others have in that situation, too. But the snippet of the dream I remember from last night was somewhat less perilous.

I dreamed someone asked me the question, “What kind of photographer are you?” And I answered, “I’m a documentarian. I document what’s around me, what will be gone, what is fleeting.” (I said it with conviction, and I was proud of myself for that answer because I don’t think it’s come to me quite so succinctly in my waking world. Then again, every photograph is a capture of something that won’t be there in exactly the next moment, so now in hindsight I’m not so proud…) “But… where is your voice?” asked the interviewer next, and I fell silent. Is my voice in my photographs? Without a caption or an explanation or a hashtag, is my voice apparent? I’m not sure, sometimes. It’s worth exploring.

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Lake Michigan, Kodak ColorPlus 200

Yesterday I gave my digital camera to my daughter. Not gave as in I won’t have it back, but gave to her to use for a time. I’ll never speak on which is better–film or digital–because it’s a silly discussion. I know right now that artistically film is the medium I’m interested in and that’s where my focus is. I want to learn and explore in that world. So maybe that’s what prompted the question in my dream.

Oh, and… I lied. It didn’t take me long to break the promise I made to myself of no new cameras. I picked up a rangefinder because I started looking on eBay and then I just couldn’t stop, and my plan was to buy it for the person I am matched up with in a film photography secret Santa thingy because, well, who wouldn’t want a fun little camera for that? And then in the time it took to ship to me (which admittedly was only a few days) I went to the local used camera shop and, damn it, there sat a lovely Olympus Pen and it just came home with me. It just did, okay??? And on the drive home I decided that rather than waiting for the Yashica range finder to arrive, test it with a roll of film to make sure it worked, and test this new Pen to make sure that worked, that I would just send my secret Santa my own Pen because I already know it works. And I think he’ll love it. So technically I only got one camera because it replaces the Pen I’m gifting, and the Yashica… well, it was so cheap it was practically not a purchase at all.

So I revise. No new cameras starting in 2018. Eh. I hope.

as the dark sets in

Oh, these short, short days. They always take me by surprise. I know they’re coming, but they still upend me a bit. It doesn’t even make sense to attempt to be a morning person… those are too dark right now, too. The daylight is over before it’s barely begun.

Anyway, I always feel like I have to get a last blast of color in before the dark takes over and the landscape turns muddled grays and browns. Accordingly, I shot a lot of color film this month and managed to knock off four rolls while hosting Thanksgiving. We converged in waves at the cottage beginning early in the week–kids, friends, my dad–and we all ate and drank and laughed and got outdoors as much as the wild wind would allow until we all left.

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Little Sable Point beach, Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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Little Sable Point Light, Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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neighbor’s boats, , Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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reaching, , Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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blue sky and crusty vehicle, , Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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long shadows, , Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100

It wasn’t sunny and colorful the whole time we were there, though. There were gray days, too. At first I thought these two pictures with the snow were from when I first arrived on Tuesday, but now I can’t remember… they might have been a few weeks ago when there was a light dusting.

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post, Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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fall meets winter, Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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dead tree and field, Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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beach fence, Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100
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farmhouse, Bronica SQ-A, Kodak Ektar 100

And I had some film in my Minolta SRT-102 needing to be used up, too.

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dune, Minolta SRT-102, Kodak ColorPlus 200
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tree and roots on dune, Minolta SRT-102, Kodak ColorPlus 200
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inland lake, Minolta SRT-102, Kodak ColorPlus 200
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milkweed pods and seeds, Minolta SRT-102, Kodak ColorPlus 200

I should have some black and white film from earlier in the month done soon. I’m feeling a black and white mood coming on, and some experimentation with expired slide film. Not sure where that’ll take me, but hopefully it’ll provide some winter entertainment.

I know myself

 

I had a minor epiphany last evening. It happened during pigeon pose in a hot yoga class that up until that moment I was feeling pretty fantastic about. Pigeon always throws me–I get panicky and want to run–but I’ve been practicing yoga long enough (on and off for more of my life than not) that I know not to run. Still, I have to breathe through this pose and remember that it’s just a passing moment. Like an unpleasant interaction, or ice cream brain freeze.

It was this: I know myself.

I actually heard that. My voice, but from somewhere else in the room, saying it.

I get flaky and wishy-washy and indecisive. But, in reality, I know what I like and don’t like. I know what’s good for me and what I need to move on from. I know more than I am letting on that I know about my own self-worth. I know my own mind. I know myself.

It felt pretty freeing to have this thought come to me as I became still and patient during pigeon pose, allowing its lessons to wash over me, with sweat dripping down my nose and a seriously clenching gluteus maximus.

Of course, I’ll probably need reminders. But there it was, plain as day. Or, plain as the voices in my head.

I know myself.

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my dad, laughing

I know where I came from, too. The guy in this picture, my dad. He was with me for a few days several weeks ago and agreed to let me photograph him, and I was eager to try the Bronica SQ-A for portraits. I only took 12 images. This one, to me, is him. His laugh takes over his face.

new old things and it’s getting dark

I’ve been driving my new (but not new new) car for about a week and a half and it’s just so great. I’m attached. We’ve bonded. We’re pals. I haven’t come up with a suitable name yet, though.

The car was a necessity. But I also bought the Bronica SQ-A I’ve been testing, which was definitely not a necessity.

So, I am committing to no more cameras for the rest of this year and for all of 2018. I pledge this. I mean it. I really mean it. To clarify, I mean I won’t buy any cameras for this period of time. Well, unless something happens, like if a critical camera breaks. Then I’d replace it. But that would be the only reason.

I really hope I stick to this. Maybe I will need reminders.

It’s also getting dark. And cold. Last weekend was supposed to be another collaboration with my friend Margi, who was going to meet me at the cottage and we were going to take more photos exploring movement in nature, but the weather didn’t cooperate and I had a shortage of ideas for indoor locations, so I cancelled. I went to the cottage on my own but Saturday was a bust, weather-wise. I wanted to give the Bronica a fair chance and I finally sorted out an issue with one of the film backs, so I ran a roll of film through on Saturday in a bit of rain.

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cornfield, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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cornfield, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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cornfield, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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corn and dried stalk, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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Little Sable Point, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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Little Sable Point, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO

Sunday started gray and cold but the sky was dramatic and it wasn’t too windy and the blue even poked through the clouds every now and then, so I ran a second roll through the Bronica and finished up the roll I started in California on the Minolta.

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DANGER, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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the farmhouse, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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a little fall color, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO

I’m forever inspired and amazed by these ghosts of old trees. The wind and sand buries and unburies them, topples and rights them, year after year. The landscape changes so dramatically. I love documenting this.

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driftwood on dune, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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driftwood on dune, Bronica SQ-A, Lomo 100 ISO
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growth, Minolta SRT 102, Kodak ColorPlus 200 ISO
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driftwood, Minolta SRT 102, Kodak ColorPlus 200 ISO
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toppled, Minolta SRT 102, Kodak ColorPlus 200 ISO
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trunk, Minolta SRT 102, Kodak ColorPlus 200 ISO
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relics, Minolta SRT 102, Kodak ColorPlus 200 ISO

Anyway. I’m excited to explore more with this camera and happy to be driving my new car, and not so happy about the impending shorter days and cold. But that’s life.