Quiet reflection

When I get too busy, I lay low, kind of disappear, shut down a bit, buckle down, get the thing done that I need to get done. I’m a yes-girl. I never want to let anyone down, so I say yes too often. I’m not trying to complain about this–it’s my nature and I’m okay with it. But sometimes I need to realize my limits, say no once in a while, and focus on my self, my needs, my stuff.

I had to slow down a bit this past week when my dog, who turns 11 this month, spent the day at the vet getting a major tune up. She was put under and her teeth were cleaned, with eight removed (she has plenty left). She also had three masses removed. I didn’t have these masses sent to the lab for many reasons, one being the extra cost and another being that I won’t put her through treatment if they are cancer.

I got her home late that night and, although they explained how she would behave coming out of the anesthesia (the vets and everyone at the clinic were wonderful), I wasn’t emotionally prepared for it. I spent a rough night on the couch as close as I could get to her, with her vocalizing and seeming completely out of it, and me constantly worried and checking that she was breathing every moment she was quiet. By early morning, though, it was apparent that she was going to be just fine.

Of course I have spoiled her all week and I am ever so grateful that I work from home and could keep a close eye on her. Each day has been better than the one before it. Today she played, and maybe even ran around too much for someone with stitches in three places, one of these being the thin skin of her belly. I’ve opened cans of the most foul-smelling things, fed her freeze-dried raw meats and organs and bone meal (and I’m a vegetarian). Love doesn’t even come close to what I feel for this being, and my gratefulness for her well-being feels a bit overwhelming.

In the relative quiet of this still-busy week, though, I feel a little bit of a reconnection with myself, with what’s important, with where I’m going. Maybe a little more no. Maybe a little more time with my dog and the people that are important to me, a little less time behind my computer. I’ll try, anyway.

lounging, day before surgery

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